Yesterday, I was just exhausted. It was the last day of my 13-day non-stop workathon. And not an easy one, either. Near the end I was just ready to pass out. And, of course, that's when a certain someone decides to go totally and utterly idiotic on me. But instead of going bananas with wrath over his idiocy and stupidity and everything in between, I just went blank. My brain and body had no longer functioned in sync with my emotion; the buttery in me was too near the negative to let the doofus activate my "snap" system. Instead, I slowly buried an urge (though not deep enough that I am talking about it right now, obviously) to punch him in the eyes and kick him in places where he shouldn't be kicked in. Again, I was exhausted. I so wanted to just go home and space out after work. It would have been the first time in a while I had no work-related obligation the next day. I wanted to be alone. I needed my down time. Big time.
I did have an engagement after work with my two friends, however, to visit a friend who had invited us to a home dinner. And as much as I loved the idea, I have to admit, I felt so weary I had to force my body and mind to go there. Sometimes you can't help but need some serious moments alone, and socializing with even the most beloved friends of yours can be not what it usually is. Ever had that feeling?
Even then, they never fail to save me, my friends. There I was, thinking I need to be alone, binge eating and cutting myself off from the world, and that's when they remind me just how much I shouldn't be. What happened was, at the dinner table, one of us was telling a story from the past, which was just the funniest thing we had heard in our lives. We were laughing in a way that was almost painful. When was the last time when you laughed in a way you can't be cute anymore if you tried? That roll-on-the-floor, your-side-splitting, it's-so-funny-you-cannot-even-feel-your-face-from-laughing-so-hard kind of laugh? What were you doing around 9 p.m. pacific time on Saturday July 11 2009? Because I was laughing like that with my friends.
I laughed so hard, I had tears in my eyes. I saw S across from me, also crying from laughing, banging the table in pain, her eyes just two very thin lines like they become when she laughs. I saw M do the same beside me, laughing like there was nothing on the planet at the moment but to laugh the way she was, one hand on her huge pregnant belly and another on John's thigh next to her. And for a moment my tears from laughing turned something else. I wanted to cry for a different reason. I don't know what it was, and I don't think I can find the right word for what I was feeling at the moment, but if it wasn't happiness in English, I don't know what is.
And nothing couldn't have been better than M's peach banana and raspberry yogurt and vanilla ice cream smoothie to cool us off from the laughing session.
Until next time.