Tuesday, October 13, 2009

In Rehab

Hello, everyone. I am Sak and I am a shopaholic. I am off impulsive compulsive shopping for two years and 10 months, during which I have been trying my very best not to accumulate when it comes to "things" - with exception of books. In my California years, I allowed myself too much freedom and gave my tendency to over-indulge too much control over my life. I went a little too far and ended up having to give so much up in the end when I had to move to another country. That's when it hit me: I am sick and I need help.

It's good for me. Now I think (gasp!) when I see and want. I started out by reducing the amount I "see" so that I do not "want" to begin with. That wasn't the hardest part of my rehab, though. It was when I had to fight my urge that seemed to be in me naturally to make a decision not based on the price but on whether I really need it or not. And I made it a rule that "it makes me feel good to have it" is not a good enough reason for my "needing it" any more like it used to mean. Which is really hard for an impulsive compulsive shopaholic.

Just so you get a better idea of how bad my addiction was, I once went to an electronic store to buy a toaster and came home with a 50-something inch high def television. Another time I went to a Bloomingdale's to buy a Christmas present for mom and ended up swiping my plastic for a pair of Manolo boots on sale (which, in my defense, I will wear for the rest of my life as long as I can walk, damn it).

As far as I'm confessing, I also have a very bad habit of buying both colors when I can't chose between black or gray, navy or olive, brown or dark brown, red or crimson or scarlet or Hawaiian sunset or Bloody Mary.... you get the idea. When in doubt, I don't chose (a concept only applied in shopping...I think and hope).

Anyway, after two years and 10 months, I am actually doing well with my rehab. It helps that everything is a tad too expensive in Japan. I have my occasional cheat moments but mostly, I consider myself "in control" now.

Anyway, what made me really happy last Sunday took place when I "saw" and "wanted" and "made a decision" to buy it. A complete fail of my rehab it was, yet, how could I deny my heart this?

A bookmark found at a book store that has become my favorite place. The cutest find that was under 2 bucks. Need it? No. Want it? Badly. I gave my heart a "go" sign.

The book that my new-found love is to be used in first is On Writing by Stephen King. I am reading this for the second time, after I got it back from a student who wanted to read this and didn't return it back to me for two years. A very good book with my favorite kind of writing style by Mr. King. Highly recommend it to all that writes in English.

Until next time,


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