Sunday, September 23, 2012

Thoughts On Our First Anniversary

A year just flew by. It friggin' flew!! I mean, I can't believe just how so much can happen within that short-seeming period of time.

On September 23rd last year, T and I got married. And boom! 10 months later, we became a couple of parents. We still can't quite conceive of the fact that we are now such responsible people. I mean, often times I look at A, sleeping so peacefully with that cutest possible face imaginable, and I feel like I want to apologize and beg her at the same time. My apology? "Sorry, sweetheart, I am what you got." What I beg? "Please don't hate me if I screw this up!"

Babies don't come with a guide. I don't know what the hell I'm doing most of the time, really. I just go with my instinct, hoping and praying that I do have the right kind of instinct and what I do try isn't half bad.

Parenthood. It's horrifying. You know, the more I think about it, the more mixed I feel. A will grow thinking that T and I are the two most absolute figures for her for most of her early childhood, and our perceptions and likes and dislikes and choices and decisions and screwups and everything that we do and don't do will affect her for the rest of her life. How could such a huge responsibility be put upon a person who is barely sure of what to do with dinner tonight!? Exactly a year ago, my prominent worries were what tomorrow's weather was going to be, or, if my favorite spot in the public parking lot had been taken by another car. Where did those small, insignificant, self-centered worries go? Now I am worried, terrified actually, about growing a human being right.

Well, anyway.

With love that grows everyday, happy anniversary, T!

Until next time,


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